Response

Preparing for this trip I am amazed at how quickly I can limit the scope of my thoughts to “what snack won’t melt in the desert…” and what to wear. Why is this? I’ve been wrestling with simply what emotion and/or thought is right. Is the thought of encountering such depravity and human suffering is too overwhelming to consider? Am I even capable of preparing my heart for what I will see? Will I ever be able to really comprehend the situation? I am overwhelmed simply in preparing for the trip, and I haven’t even gone yet!

The gospel of Matthew (11:28-30) resounds with the ache in my heart – “come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” It can sound so trite when thrown around, and yet isn’t this the most beautiful promise. Yes, Christ acknowledge, you cannot hold it all. And because of that you are free. My abject helplessness is so obvious I am forced to rest in His control. True peace.

But this is all still about me. How am I to respond to the people in Darfur with dignity and hope? How can I even pretend that by going to a situation like this everything will be ok? It won’t. I will enter, weep, and leave in 10 days – but what about those I leave behind? Is there a word or phrase that captures the pain of those left to endure? I am reminded of my friend Bekah’s gravestone and the verse engraved on it. Isaiah 35:10 “and the ransomed of the LORD will return, and come with joyful shouting to Zion, with everlasting joy upon their heads. They will find gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” I might not ever see the end of such extreme pain and sorrow in my lifetime. Does that mean I give up working or hope? Earlier in the chapter Isaiah describes the wilderness and desert rejoicing, shouting for joy at the glory of the Lord and the majesty of God. “encourage the exhausted and strengthen the feeble” he reminds “say to those with anxious heart, take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance; the recompense of God will come. But He will save you.”